English, The Kiss
Staring at the old, dusty notebook, I could have never imagined, not in my whole life, that a simple painting from my mother’s journal change my view of the world drastically. In church, I remember my pastor asking me this simple question: “Do you love what you are doing?” Now, the obvious answer, for most kids, is, definitely, a resounding yes. For me, it was much harder to come to the same conclusion. The topics that I study in school were far from my interests. I was learning business and math because it pleased my parents and other family members. I really never did or learned what I liked or passionate about.
Back then, this painting, titled “The Kiss” by Gustav Klimt, was the most scandalous thing I ever saw. The painting depicts a couple, a man and a woman, in an embrace over a field of diversely colored flowers. These flowers seem to stem from the woman’s robe. I used to like to think that the flowers represented the emotional spectrum that these people were experiencing. Colors like pink, yellow, and red are passionate colors. They are considered as very warm colors in their respective spectrums. This passion in the painting was missed when I first saw the painting, but reflecting it now shows me the emotion and reaction of love that is represented in the painting. The Kiss was on the cover of my mother’s journal, where she poured out her days and emotions that she could not express because of the Korean culture.
Looking at the painting again gave me a renewed perspective. I didn’t notice it before, but the colors in the painting are extremely simple, compared to other prominent paintings. Paintings like Mona Lisa or The Last Supper. Only few mild colors are present; it is largely dominated by a soft mix of orange and yellow. The only colors that really “pop out” are painted on the faces and the flowers. I still don’t understand the reason why Klimt chose those colors. My only interpretation is that he shared these feelings and emotions with the painting, and as a result, chose those colors.
Before I knew what boundaries meant, I used to share a lot of my reflections with my mother. She would write them down also in the journal and later write poems or stories about them. I think that’s where my passion for writing and language really blossomed. Although Korean culture shames and condemns against such interests, I fell in love with the subject more and more. Every time my mother took out the journal, I saw The Kiss. This scandalous, beautiful painting was now the foundation of my reflections. The forbidden love that the painting showed seemed to connect to my forbidden love of writing and language. The couples are hiding their faces in a hood, maybe because of judgment, or maybe because of comfort. But I liked to imagine that they were doing something secretive. They were hiding because of their fear of public judgment, but the beautiful result of this action, the flowers, reflected the beauty of this scandalous love. I also think that my mother saw it too, the meaning that I interpreted when I first saw the cover.
Her love for writing and language arts did not translate well in to her family, and she had to get a job as a nurse, a more “noble” profession in Korea. But she loves poetry and short stories, and even now, she spends her free time reading and reflecting. Her liberal mindset was too futuristic and unfamiliar for people back then, and, as a result, was condemned and shunned.
Gustav Klimt was shunned and discredited because of his paintings before. His works of art were seen as “obscene” and “pornographic”. His passion was discredited and condemned. But The Kiss was seen as one of his greatest artworks. The painting, drawn right after the public condemnation of his previous mural, received praises from the same people that shunned him.
The art is absolutely beautiful. The art seems to be more physical than mental in terms of influence. The smooth and mild colors work to ease the eyes that see them. The flowers that spring up gives you a sense of hope that this forbidden action will someday be shown as something beautiful.
A few years later, as I continued on with my struggle against my Korean identity and culture, I came across this painting again. The painting became more than a reflection at this point in my life. It became a symbol of my resistance against the stigma against language arts. My mother and I found beauty in the language, a place where no one dared to look in fear of judgment. Asking my parents if I could major in English was one of the hardest things I have ever done. My mother (although she agreed later), in fear of my father, said no. But later she would tell me that I can pursue whatever I want; I can have passion, no matter what people around me said. My father disagreed fiercely. He reprimanded me for going after my passion, an expected, classic response from a conservative Korean culture.
I am still fighting this war between my passion and my “safe” future: a war that is going to last a very long time. But every time I look at the painting, that scandalous love, the colorful flowers, I can’t help but imagine what I will produce if I pursue language arts and English. The same dream that I had when I was five still lives in me, still fighting back the Korean culture. Will my future be something that is condemned by the public but filled with my passion, or will it be something acceptable in the eyes of Korean culture, but not worth to live through?
